Bush warns Iran: Become a Functioning Democracy Immediately or Prepare to be Forced into Freedom

WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush today responded to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s visit to Columbia University by issuing yet another ultimatum to Iran: become free immediately or we’ll do it for you. “And I have a feeling you won’t like our version of freedom” Bush added.
When questioned about his announcement, Bush cited the overwhelming success of the [...]

Mexico Passes Landmark Immigration Reform

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO—Mexican President Felipe Calderon signed a bill today, radically overhauling Mexico’s immigration system, in an attempt to stem the flow of American vacationers pouring over the border. Supporters of the bill say that immigration reform in Mexico was long overdue, and that the new policy will “close off the borders to the greedy [...]

Cameron Diaz Offends Nation of Peru Once Again with Purse Made from Hollowed-out Indian Head

CUSCO, PERU—Cameron Diaz just can’t win these days. The American actress, who was criticized last week for carrying a Maoist handbag in a country that suffered years of fighting with communist rebels, managed to find a handbag even more offensive: a purse made from a hollowed-out Indian head.

Bush Warns Iran: “Shape up or we’ll send in FEMA”

WASHINGTON, DC—Speaking at a press conference today, President Bush issued an ultimatum to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, warning him that failure to shut down the Iranian nuclear program will result it serious consequences, including a deployment of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, also known as FEMA.
A pentagon spokesman said that the U.S. military is reconsidering [...]