Recently we had a chance to sit down with Rudy Giuliani and discuss his plans for the country, if elected president.
Absolutely Serious: Rudy, you’ve already been crowned the “President of 9/11” by The Onion. How do you view your tenure as President of 9/11 and what are your successes?
Rudy Giuliani: Well, a lot of people [...]
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BAGHDAD, IRAQ—A recent survey taken by the Pentagon revealed that U.S. troops stationed in Iraq are content to keep fighting as long as Americans back home show their support with yellow magnetic ribbons attached to the trunks of their cars.
General Meyerson, who oversaw the survey, said that the army takes soldier morale very seriously. “There [...]
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WASHINGTON, DC—Citing a desire to spend more time with his family and enjoy the spoils of war, President Bush told a small group of reporters this morning that he will not seek a third term as president.
Speaking candidly an invitation-only breakfast at the White House Sunday morning, President Bush discussed the demands of office and [...]
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WASHINGTON, DC—A Gallup poll released Wednesday night found that a whopping 37% of prospective American voters are unaware that Barack Obama is in fact a black man. Perhaps even more surprising, the poll found that African-Americans are even less likely than whites to know about Obama’s blackness.
“I guess now that you mention it—yeah I can [...]
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WASHINGTON, DC—Signaling a watershed moment in American politics, Ron Paul announced today that Tom from MySpace will be his running mate in his bid for the Republican presidential nomination. The move is expected to be a turning point for the Paul campaign, which has garnered little attention in mainstream media outlets, despite a large online [...]
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WASHINGTON, DC—A congressional investigative panel released a report today confirming that U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Kenneth P. Moritsugu, is not actually a surgeon. Moritsugu’s credentials came under scrutiny in November 2006 when the Democrat-controlled congress decided to take a closer look at some of President Bush’s federal appointments.
An investigative panel was commissioned by Congress when [...]
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WASHINGTON, DC—The National Association of Schizophrenic Americans (NASA) announced their support today for Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign.
Catherine Grey, NASA’s spokeswoman, told reporters this morning that the Association looks for the candidate that has the most in common with people suffering from schizophrenia, the debilitating mental illness that afflicts over two million Americans, according to the [...]
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CHICAGO—Outlining her campaign platform today at a news conference in Chicago, a confident Hillary Clinton unveiled her plan for “single-payer everything.” Clinton, who is running for a bid as the Democratic presidential candidate in 2008, promises to enact her bold scheme of “free everything,” if elected president in 2008.
Under the plan, Americans wouldn’t have to [...]
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