Absolutely Serious    

BAGHDAD, IRAQ—A recent survey taken by the Pentagon revealed that U.S. troops stationed in Iraq are content to keep fighting as long as Americans back home show their support with yellow magnetic ribbons attached to the trunks of their cars.

General Meyerson, who oversaw the survey, said that the army takes soldier morale very seriously. “There are many things that go into a soldier’s morale. Does he have the right equipment to get the job done? Will he die in vain? Do strangers back home have “Support Our Troops” bumper stickers on their cars? Surprisingly, this last question played an enormous role in the soldiers’ morale.”

Critics of the war have claimed that a better way to support the troops would be to bring them home and extract them from a dangerous war zone. Private Josh Peterson, who serves in the U.S. Army 1st Infantry Division, disagrees with critics.

“I’ve had a lot of friends die out here. I’ve seen some really awful things. When I go home I probably won’t get treatment for my PTSD. But none of that matters as long as people appreciate us and the work we’re not accomplishing.”