Absolutely Serious    

WASHINGTON, DC—Citing a desire to spend more time with his family and enjoy the spoils of war, President Bush told a small group of reporters this morning that he will not seek a third term as president.

Speaking candidly an invitation-only breakfast at the White House Sunday morning, President Bush discussed the demands of office and dispelled rumors that he would use a military coup to remain in power after 2008.

“I’m owed so many favors from the Iraq war, you wouldn’t believe it—it’s time to cash in” said Bush, whose approval rating has hovered in the low 30s in recent months. Not that poll numbers would prevent him from running a third time.

“Polls are a tricky thing, but let’s be honest, I didn’t exactly win the first two elections either. I’ve spoken with Hugo [Chavez] and he’s given me some good ideas about how to stick around.”

When asked what he meant by that statement, Bush replied that there are other ways of remaining president. “Could I do a military coup? Sure, it’s always a possibility. I mean hell, we go the Iraq war and the Patriot act—how hard could it be to pull off a coup? I’m not ruling it out, but there’s other things I want to do with my life.”

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