Absolutely Serious    

WASHINGTON, DC—A congressional investigative panel released a report today confirming that U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Kenneth P. Moritsugu, is not actually a surgeon. Moritsugu’s credentials came under scrutiny in November 2006 when the Democrat-controlled congress decided to take a closer look at some of President Bush’s federal appointments.

An investigative panel was commissioned by Congress when an anonymous whistleblower in the Surgeon General’s office leaked Dr. Moritsugu’s resume to the Washington Post. Jonathon Morris, a former Justice Department lawyer under the Clinton administration led the panel.

“It turns out,” Morris told reporters at a press conference this morning, “that Dr. Moritsugu is not actually a real surgeon, nor has he ever performed any surgery of any kind. What we’re seeing is yet another example of the Bush administration’s blatant incompetence when it comes to appointing high-level government officials.”

Dr. Moritsugu was unavailable for comment, but an aide who did not want to be identified indicated that the Surgeon General’s office is preparing a response to the report. “This is nothing more than a politically motivated witch hunt. We’re confident that the good doctor will be vindicated when all is said and done.”

Chris Samuelson, a political analyst who has been following the investigation thinks that the Bush administration will be able to fend off the latest scandal to rock the Bush White House.

“At least he’s got an M.D. He might not deliver babies or do heart surgery but it’s not like he’s one of those phonies with a PhD in philosophy, going around telling everyone to call him ‘doctor.’”

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