Study: 97% of Blogs Completely Unreadable

RESTON, VA—A study released today by comScore, a company that analyzes trends in the digital world, found that 97% of all blogs are completely unreadable. Researchers came to their conclusion after sorting through thousands of blogs looking for anything interesting, a task which proved more difficult than expected.
“You can’t go a day now without hearing [...]

Special Report: Using the Bush Doctrine to Make Your Local Neighborhood Safe

By now you’ve seen America’s amazing success in Iraq and Afghanistan and you’ve probably thought to yourself: “wow, the world is so much safer now, how did we do it?”
And more importantly, you want to know how you can incorporate the same principles of success (known as “the Bush Doctrine”) into your own life. Well [...]

Bush Declines to Seek Third Term

WASHINGTON, DC—Citing a desire to spend more time with his family and enjoy the spoils of war, President Bush told a small group of reporters this morning that he will not seek a third term as president.
Speaking candidly an invitation-only breakfast at the White House Sunday morning, President Bush discussed the demands of office and [...]

Bush Warns Iran: “Shape up or we’ll send in FEMA”

WASHINGTON, DC—Speaking at a press conference today, President Bush issued an ultimatum to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, warning him that failure to shut down the Iranian nuclear program will result it serious consequences, including a deployment of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, also known as FEMA.
A pentagon spokesman said that the U.S. military is reconsidering [...]

Poll: 37% of Voters Unaware that Obama is Black

WASHINGTON, DC—A Gallup poll released Wednesday night found that a whopping 37% of prospective American voters are unaware that Barack Obama is in fact a black man. Perhaps even more surprising, the poll found that African-Americans are even less likely than whites to know about Obama’s blackness.
“I guess now that you mention it—yeah I can [...]

Ron Paul Selects Tom from MySpace as Running Mate

WASHINGTON, DC—Signaling a watershed moment in American politics, Ron Paul announced today that Tom from MySpace will be his running mate in his bid for the Republican presidential nomination. The move is expected to be a turning point for the Paul campaign, which has garnered little attention in mainstream media outlets, despite a large online [...]

Google Acquires France

PARIS, FRANCE—Google, the online search giant, announced today that it acquired the nation of France for $6 billion U.S. Tech analysts speculated earlier in the week that Google was preparing for a big move, possibly for a country in Western Europe. The acquisition gives the tech company greater market share in many key sectors, including [...]

Surgeon General Not Really a Surgeon

WASHINGTON, DC—A congressional investigative panel released a report today confirming that U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Kenneth P. Moritsugu, is not actually a surgeon. Moritsugu’s credentials came under scrutiny in November 2006 when the Democrat-controlled congress decided to take a closer look at some of President Bush’s federal appointments.
An investigative panel was commissioned by Congress when [...]

Romney Secures Key Endorsement from the Mentally Ill

WASHINGTON, DC—The National Association of Schizophrenic Americans (NASA) announced their support today for Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign.
Catherine Grey, NASA’s spokeswoman, told reporters this morning that the Association looks for the candidate that has the most in common with people suffering from schizophrenia, the debilitating mental illness that afflicts over two million Americans, according to the [...]